Editor's note: Your ProbateShark finds no humor in this attack on the elderly.  It is important in that it baits lawyer against lawyer.  And is the "change" they seek resulting in the corrupt Probate Court of Cook County? Lucius Verenus,  Schoolmaster, ProbateSharks.com 


Old People, Ridiculousness, Rudeness

Old Lawyers Fight At Country Club, Submit Dueling Membership Revocation Letters

By Staci Zaretsky

‘You amoeba-shaped squid!’

Old lawyers have earned themselves a bad reputation, especially in light of the current legal economy. They’re reviled by some as the Boomers who refuse to retire and make way for the new generation of attorneys. They refuse to adopt new technologies, they always think they’re right, and they adamantly refuse to change. This may be an unfair characterization, but many people believe it to be true, as disrespectful as it may be.
Given the harsh way some view older lawyers, of course they would be amused to see two of them almost come to blows inside a genteel Alabama country club. Imagine an attorney in his 70s allegedly screaming “you motherf*cker” at the top of his lungs, and then you’ll get an idea of what reportedly went down….

The events we’re about to talk about happened in October, but the dueling Montgomery Country Club membership revocation letters that were sent by the lawyers involved have been making their way around the legal circuit in Alabama, and we finally received them last night. In the long list of forwards, various members of the bar wrote that the letters were “hilarious” and “awesome.” One recipient summarized what transpired thusly: “I think one of them called the other an amoeba.” How’s that for southern charm?
The attorneys involved in the altercation were Thomas T. Gallion III and Thomas G. Mancuso. Here’s what Mancuso claims happened at the beginning of the country club confrontation (click to enlarge):

Gallion, on the other hand, claims Mancuso sent him a “defamatory letter” days before the incident at the club. Here’s Gallion’s description of what allegedly happened on the day of the fight (click to enlarge):

Here’s another excerpt from Mancuso’s letter to the country club president that we suspect was meant to gin up some sympathy for him as he painted himself as the lawyer with the cooler head (click to enlarge):

Here’s Gallion’s response to Mancuso’s “woe is me” narrative. This paragraph makes Gallion seems like… a very special kind of d-bag who must be a big hit at parties and social gatherings (click to enlarge):

We don’t know for sure if either of these fine gentlemen was barred from returning to the country club, but Mancuso suggests that he may file criminal charges against Gallion, while Gallion claims that never happened because he “learned a long time ago never to put one’s hand in garbage.” This guy’s got balls.
Gallion made the following promise when it comes to Mancuso’s presence at the club (click to enlarge):

Life as a grumpy old lawyer in Alabama certainly seems like it gets pretty entertaining, y’all.
(Flip through the following pages to see Thomas Mancuso’s and Thomas Gallion’s redacted letters in full.)

10 May 2013 at 10:05 AM

Clerkships, Job Searches, Ridiculousness

How Not To Write A Cover Letter

By David Lat

Different schools of thought exist when it comes to cover letters for job applications. Back when I applied for legal jobs, I took a “do no harm” approach, using the cover letter merely to transmit my résumé, transcript, and writing sample. But jobs were more plentiful back then.
In a tougher legal job market, employers expect more from cover letters. For cover letter advice from an in-house perspective, see David Mowry’s post. For cover letter advice from a small-firm perspective, see Jay Shepherd’s post.
And for an example of how not to write a cover letter, keep reading….

This clerkship application letter went to a judge up in Alaska. It’s now making the rounds among Alaska law clerk circles.
We’ve removed the salutation line and the sign-off, but everything else is intact. And no, the salutation line did not read “DEAREST BELOVED” — which might come as a surprise, since the letter is more flowery than the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. Here it is (click to enlarge):

“Law school reinforced my understanding that knowledge is a tool.” But it’s not the only “tool” out there.
Looking on the bright side, reading this cover letter while plowing through hundreds of clerkship applications must have given the judge a chuckle. It’s nothing if not… refreshing. “I sipped confidently from this hearty libation.”
That was my second-favorite line. My favorite: “I am extremely self aware.”
We might do more on epic cover letters for legal jobs. If you have a specimen you’d like to share, send it our way by email (subject line: “Cover Letter”). Thanks.
Earlier: Small Firms, Big Lawyers: Enclosed Please Find … No Reason to Hire Me
House Rules: Use Your Résumé and Cover Letter to Get Inside

02 May 2013 at 6:22 PM

Biglaw, DLA Piper, Partner Issues, Ridiculousness, Travel / Vacation

Law Firm Rents Entire Cruise Liner For Partner Meeting While the Rest of You Look for Work

By Joe Patrice

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
A tale of an expensive trip
That started from the Mediterranean
Aboard this gigantic ship.
Biglaw partners have to get together somewhere to hash over the business. Usually they meet in the lavish home office or rent out a hotel somewhere. In good times, that might be a luxury hotel in an island paradise. But I’ll bet no one would dare risk the PR blowback of holding a partner circle-jerk in a tropical resort in this economy, right?
One firm decided to see that bet and raise it. They’ve rented one of the most luxurious vessels in the world for a Mediterranean cruise. The ship be… sailing?
Let’s see whose partners are going on a “three-hour tour,” shall we….

Hop on board the DLA Minnow with Skipper Lee Miller, First Mate Terry “Gilligan” O’Malley, and… I guess they’re still taking nominations for Julie “Your Cruise Director” McCoy. Here’s the plan, as reported by Washingtonian:

The legal behemoth, which has a large Washington office among its 100-plus worldwide locations, is hosting a four-night excursion aboard the ship in May. The partners will set sail from Barcelona and head up the coast to Nice. Sure, difficulty finding a big enough hotel may have sparked the idea. But there’s also little doubt that the idea of a Mediterranean cruise sounded much more appealing than hunkering down in a Marriott conference room for a weekend.

Coming off the Am Law 100 announcement that DLA Piper led the pack in gross revenue (“the first time ever” that the revenue rankings weren’t topped by Skadden or Baker & McKenzie), the partners wanted to take turns yelling “I’m King of the World” from the bow. As a bonus, by cruising from Barcelona to Nice, the cruise will hug the European coastline, completely avoiding the “country” of Africa.

Activities include: sketching Chairman Emeritus George Mitchell.

The luxury liner boasts a guest capacity of 3,634 passengers. At that rate, they don’t need to limit the meeting to partners; the whole firm could come — almost. First-years would have to occupy the crew quarters in steerage to make it work, which seems about right.
The cost of this little shindig? Not much, just $3.1 million. If that seems like a lot of money for a meeting in a down economy, recognize that’s probably a steal, too, given the recent setbacks of the cruise industry. After CNN devoted days of BREAKING NEWS coverage to the “Sh*t Boat,” prices cratered, setting the stage for DLA Piper to snag the ship so a bunch of partners can discuss the future of their business with buzzwords like “proactive” and “synergy.” Think of it as the “Bullsh*t Boat.”
But that $3.1 million is only to secure exclusive use of Royal Caribbean’s Liberty of the Seas during its peak season. The true cost goes far beyond that figure. For instance, that doesn’t cover the costs associated with flying everyone to Barcelona and then home from Nice from each of DLA’s 26,000 offices around the world (DLA’s Tycho Crater office will open once they move that damn monolith). Or the inevitable hotel rooms involved for the first and last night. Or, as the article points out, the booze.
Dear God, the booze. With 22 bars, clubs, and lounges, that bill shall know no limits.
DLA Piper’s $3-Million Meeting at Sea [The Washingtonian]
Earlier: DLA Piper Literally Doesn’t Know What Countries Some Of Their Offices Are In
Overbilling Gone Wild: Paying the (DLA) Piper
The 2013 Am Law 100: A Year of ‘Slow Growth’

07 Dec 2012 at 12:17 PM

Law Schools, listserv, Ridiculousness, Yale Law School

How Many Yale Law Students Does It Take To Figure Out How To Pee?

By Elie Mystal

Did anybody else around my age first learn about bidets from Crocodile Dundee?

The Yale Law School Wall is consistently one of the best listservs in all of law school. Only the Michigan Law listserv can compete.
Today, the Yale Wall brings us a fun story of Yalies intellectualizing the etiquette of… picking a urinal to pee in.
In fairness, urinal etiquette is an important issue. It’s just that most guys kind of figure it out on their own.
But at Yale Law, there are no stupid questions. And it’s a very liberal, gender-neutral place. We know that because not only are urinal questions being asked on the listserv, the guy asking the question is seeking advice from a girl….

In fairness, peeing at Yale Law School is a pretty big issue. In the past, students haven’t been able to figure out precisely where to do it. Since Yale Law women have had problems peeing properly in the past, maybe it’s not weird for a Yale Law man to ask a woman on proper bathroom procedure. From the Wall:

Dear [Person With Lady Parts],
I was just getting comfortable in my new surroundings at Yale Law School, starting to find my way around, forcing myself to volunteer in Guido’s Torts, but then I ran into a problem that I feel inadequate to address. Please help: Yesterday, I walked into the second-floor men’s bathroom. Another dude was using the far-left urinal, leaving either the uncomfortably close middle urinal or the far-right urinal. The far-right urinal is tiny-sized. I am normal-sized. I hate that there are only three urinals in there, but that’s the way it is. What should I have done when I went Number One?
– To pee or not to pee

I’m not sure how this guy is old enough to go to law school, yet doesn’t know the answer to this question. I blame his father. But let’s see what the girl has to say:

Dear To Pee,
I asked around, and apparently part of the problem is that the men’s room has eight stalls but only three badly positioned urinals. (Seriously?) And part of the problem with the “tiny-sized” urinal is that if you are tall-ish and you use it there can be “sprayage.” Anyway, what’s done is done and now you have this problem. I’m with you, it sounds really awkward.
I think the answer to your question depends on how comfortable you are with your fellow bathroom users. If I were you–granted, not understanding all the nuance–I would just use the middle urinal. Life’s too short to fret about inches.
I do, however, think it would be totally fine to use one of the stalls. Surely there are almost always several free. Just be sure to always lift the seat.
Are you ready to man up?
–[Person with Lady Parts]

Look, the right answer is never to use the closest urinal to somebody already peeing if there is any other option. I’m not saying that out of the reflexive homophobia that was undoubtedly the basis of this social norm. I’m saying that because it’s a social norm. Different cultures have different norms when it comes to public bathrooms, and in ours, it’s standard to leave a urinal in between.
Unless everything else is full, and then you slot in there and do your business like an adult, because who cares. It’s like holding the door open for a lady: it’s social norm that starts from a place of patronizing sexism, but now it’s just a nice thing to do. So you do it if you can, you don’t if it would require a big production, and you move on with your life.
And I shouldn’t have to explain this to a Yale Law student. You know, if we’re dealing with a [I think we all know what school I'm thinking of] student, maybe you have to tell them which basin is for peeing and which basin is for washing your hands — since we know not everybody can tell the difference between pee and rain.
But at Yale? I mean, this isn’t the only bathroom problem they’re having there. Click ahead to the next page to see the problems in the women’s bathroom….

http://abovethelaw.com/2012/12/how-many-yale-law-students-does-it-take-to-figure-out-how-to-pee/

Ex-Kasowitz Associate With ‘Superior Legal Mind’ Sues the Firm for $77 Million

17 Aug 2011 at 6:19 PMPosted in:



Lawsuit of the Day:
 Ex-Kasowitz Associate With ‘Superior Legal Mind’ Sues the Firm for $77 Million

By David Lat

Gregory Berry: the $77 million man.

This morning we mentioned a lawsuit filed against litigation powerhouse Kasowitz Benson and two Kasowitz partners by Gregory S. Berry, a former first-year associate at the firm. Berry’s 50-page complaint, filed in New York state court, contains 14 causes of action, including wrongful termination, fraud, and breach of contract. Berry seeks a whopping $77 million in damages — $2.55 million in estimated lost income, and $75 million in punitives.

After working as a software engineer in Silicon Valley for several years, Gregory Berry matriculated at the University of Pennsylvania Law School. He graduated from Penn Law in 2010 and was admitted to the New York bar in 2011. He summered at Kasowitz in 2009 and started working at the firm full-time in September 2010. Less than a year later, in May 2011, he was fired.

According to Berry’s complaint, he “immediately began doing superlative work” at Kasowitz. Alas, the law firm was unable to accommodate his “superior legal mind.” After he began seeking greater responsibility in a way that rubbed some colleagues the wrong way, he got canned.

“There’s simply no room in a big law firm for an intelligent, creative lawyer with real-world experience,” Greg Berry told Thomson Reuters News & Insight. “I had to find that out the hard way.”

Let’s have a look at his interesting allegations, plus hear from some tipsters….

Gregory Berry is proceeding pro se. Unlike some other attorneys who have gone up against their former firms, Berry is not represented by a high-powered, plaintiffs-side employment lawyer — like Anne Vladeck, counsel to Patricia Martone in Martone v. Ropes & Gray, or Daniel Alterman, counsel to Aaron Charney in Charney v. Sullivan & Cromwell.

Greg Berry’s pro se complaint — filed against Kasowitz and two of its partners, Aaron Marks and Kim Conroy — is quite a read. Here’s how he describes his pre-law-school career

Please read continued and complete article at link below:


http://abovethelaw.com/2011/08/lawsuit-of-the-day-ex-kasowitz-associate-with-superior-legal-mind-sues-the-firm-for-77-million/