Editor's note: Your ProbateShark would never recommend any of the lawyers in the Probate Court of Cook County competent enough to trim nails...even their own!  Lucius Verenus, Schoolmaster, ProbateSharks.com

24 Jan 2014 at 12:01 PM

Job Searches, Rankings, U.S. News

The 2014 U.S. News Job Rankings: Being A Lawyer Is Worse Than Being A Nail Technician

By Staci Zaretsky

Each year, U.S. News and World Report comes out with a ranking of the 100 best jobs in the nation, based on important factors like the number of expected openings, advancement opportunities, career fulfillment, and salary expectations. With criteria like that, it makes sense that each year, the job of “Lawyer” sinks lower and lower in the rankings.
For example, in 2013, U.S. News ranked Lawyer as No. 35 on its 100 Best Jobs ranking, and as No. 4 on its ranking of the “5 Dream Jobs That Aren’t So Dreamy.” Just one year later, in 2014, Lawyer isn’t even ranked in the top 50 of the U.S. News list. Being a lawyer is now a second-tier career. How embarrassing.
What’s even more embarrassing? The list of jobs that are supposedly better than being a lawyer. Why did you spend all of that money on a law degree when you could’ve just gone to beauty school?

We’ve taken the liberty of compiling a list of some of the jobs you should’ve considered taking before embarking upon your miserable career as a lawyer, one that is best described by this U.S. News graphic:

Lovely. But don’t you worry, U.S. News claims that “[t]he job market for lawyers has improved in recent years,” and “an additional 74,800 jobs will need to be filled” by 2022. Upward mobility issues solved, right? Wrong. It’s a pity the editors forgot that more than 40,000 people graduate from law school each year.
Here’s what you should’ve done with your life instead of being a lawyer:

• #49 Nail Technician: Because when clients give you the finger, they’re not being mean.
• #34 Maintenance/Repair Worker: Because there’s no such thing as an unemployed handyman.
• #29 Esthetician: Because popping pimples is more pleasurable than planning plaintiffs’ pleadings.
• #27 Massage Therapist: Because this is a career where happy endings are possible.

Of course lawyers have the unhappiest jobs in America. They could’ve had it all with a career in beauty or jobs of the odd variety. Drop the suit and pick up a nail file or a hammer. You can thank us later.
Earlier: You’ve Been Having Bad Dreams If Being A Lawyer Is Your ‘Dream Job’
Unhappiest Job in America? Take a Guess