Christmas Decorations, Jesse Helms and the Illinois ARDC–what do they have in common?
by jmdenison
Today, as usual, I asked Ken Ditkowsky if I could post what he wrote to me in an email, because as a copyright atty I am pretty much a stickler for that, and you never know. (On the otherhand, the ARDC still has my copyrighted text up on their website–with no apologies for stealing my stuff, imagine that).
So Larry Chambers, his assistant, responded today “we have no intention of censuring you in any manner because this is still the United State of America” (Though with the ARDC I like to quip “it’s the US of Russia.” My kids have corrected me, no mom, North Korea is far worse, you have to say it’s the US of North Korea. They don’t even allow cell phones there. Hmmm, didn’t know that. Thanks guys).
Ha! that was funny. I was thinking, since the ARDC seems to think it is interesting to discipline me for merely running a blog, report on what I think, see, and feel, seems to me it is appropriate for me TO MAKE FUN OF THEM for it.
I mean, come on, I want to know the attys assigned to my case? Were they they ones that said 40 years ago sodomizing gays couldn't practice law and wanted nightly bedroom pics? Or, did they do something wrong and stupid at work, so now they get assigned "blog police" where they get to read my entries and decide which ones to include in the case.
A number of years ago, I lived in in the Chapel Hill, Carrboro area of North Carolina--that's right the same one that Jesse Helms said had to have a nice fence around it and it should be burned and bombed to the ground on repeated occasions. (Come to think of it, he was an atty too and I don't recall any outcry to discipline HIM for it. Does that mean that everyone knew he was a "lost cause?")
Now the "proper Southern ladies" that lived in the subdivions of $300,000 to $700,000 homes I noted at Christmas had a few strings of white lights on their bushes, and a candle in the window. I was told "that was appropriate."
Of course, I had arrived from Chicago with 4 kids ages 6 to 12, a complete collection of reindeer and Santa, (yep, all 8 including Rudolph), a complete 14 piece plastic light em up nativity scene, tons of mickey and minnie the 3' plastic light up Xmas decorations. At the time, you name it and I had it for the kids and we enjoyed putting out 100 plastic light up Xmas decorations every year, plus 2,000 twinkle lights. I burned out many a GFI socket in those years.
So, what happens is all of a sudden I get cars creeping by the cul de sac all night, cute little kids get out yelling and screaming in my front yard, which of course I think is adorable. The little newspaper takes pics, everything is fine and fun--for a couple of weeks.
THEN my creepy, perfect hair and 2 perfect kids neighboor (pun intended) gets her panties in a bunch over "too much Xmas", you know the single candle in the window type, and she starts calling the cops on me for "noise violations." Of course, I print out the ordinance and it says something stupid like "the noise must be at such a loud level it shocks the average person causing them physical discomfort." What's that? Like a turbine engine on an airplane or a soprano at the opera (both 100 decibles). All I had was those little twinklie lights you get at Walgreens with the twinklie music and that's a noise violation? Hmm
So, if the cops show up and say there is a noise violation and there must have been a "loud party". It's nine pm and I just put my kids to bed and I told them they missed the loud party from 6 to 9 pm complete with fights over Disney and Thomas the Tank Engine videos. Sorry.
But I then admit to them I have a number of crimes "lurking" in my front yard they should be aware of. For example, Rudolph's light is out on his nose and it needs replacing, so I swipe the light bulbs in the hallway, C7's for those of you not familiar and start showing them all my "light violations"--rudolph's nose and I tell them I will do it right with a red bulb and not a white one, and then Minnie's bulb was out, and I was sure that was a very severe ticket, being Disney and all.
The funniest part of the story is when I start asking them what they did to get "Christmas" or "decorating" violation duty? Did they sneeze when the Mayor was talking. Spill coffee on her? Make her coffee wrong? They need to remember cream and no sugar. I wanted to know how they got demoted to that duty, I mean reindeer, Santa and all are just fake and not real criminals. Kind of like blow up dolls for men.
They kept on coming out periodically and asking about "noise" and I kept on making fun of them for being the "decorating police."
It all ended with the mayor of Carrborro came out with HER 4 kids who LOVED my decorations and they played in the yard and the press took pictures to their heart's content.
No more decorating police after that and they mayor announced officially in the local paper there would be no more polic visits for standard christmas decorations bought at Walmart and the drug stores.
So what I want to know is who ARE the new ardc attorneys on my silly blog and what did they do to get demoted to that duty. I note that Leah Black has been promoted to "Senior Counsel" so I guess that means she survived my jokes AND got promoted for it. You go girl! Women should note her poor fitting shoes did NOT prevent that during Ken’s hearing.
But what I really want to know is how come Jesse Helms gets to say "put a fence around Carborro and burn and bomb it down to the ground", but I can't make fun of the likes of CF, AS, PS, HW, CT for running a Probate case without jurisdiction? He was serious, and I'm not.
JoAnne
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